So for some reason people keep subscribing to this newsletter and whether you’re a bot or someone who actually gives a damn about what I write, thank you for being here.
This newsletter has been a blank slate for months now and when I finally decide to pour into it, I’m on my couch in a big stained t-shirt that’s at least two sizes too big and I’m having full moon feelings.
Those feelings include: figuring out how I feel a few months after my first real breakup, figuring out what would make me happy right now and figuring out how to get cuddles so that I don’t wither away this fall and winter.
One of my best friends asked me how I’m feeling about my breakup now (it’s been a few months) and if I feel like I got anything out of the relationship. And while the wounded part of me was ready to launch into a hate-fueled rant about the relationship, the part of me that’s working on finding gratitude in things even when they end, started thinking about the good that came out of the relationship.
This newsletter is supposed to be about pleasure and here I am writing about a breakup for my first post. I swear I’m not about to tell you that you need to have positive feelings about a breakup. Breakups are hot trash, in general. But I’ve hit whatever stage of relationship grief happens when you start thinking about the goodness you (hopefully) experienced and the valuable lessons/awareness you’re taking with you.
So if I had to write a list of pleasurable things (or things that aren’t completely terrible) about my breakup, here’s what would be on it:
Learning how to love myself in my love languages
Learning to celebrate walking away from something that no longer feels good
Increased gratitude for friends who make me feel completely seen and loved
Learning how to be in a serious relationship for the first time and what I require in one
I learned how to appreciate the beauty and pleasure that can come from short-term relationships
I got to remember that I actually really like my own company
I’ve gotten to flirt with scrumptious humans
I’ve started leaning into soft kinky experiences (is that a thing?)
I now have room for a safe and abundant love to enter into my life
I’ve started dreaming of what family and community can mean and I’m reminded that I don’t have to get all of my pleasure and support and safety from a romantic partner